I am a 22-year-old woman and I have two children. My current boyfriend is not the father of these children. He is 24 years old and he doesn’t have children of his own, so he has unofficially adopted my children. They love him and they call him Daddy. People who do not know him think that he is their father. I really love this man. He wants me to get pregnant for him but I don’t want any more children and I can’t get pregnant just to please a man. I told him that he can go out and have a child with some other woman but I would not take that child. He said that I was unfair because he had taken me with my two children. From the time I was a young girl growing up, I told myself that I did not want more than two children. Now that I have the two, I am quite happy. I am working but my pay is not much. My boyfriend pays the rent and the electricity and I am responsible for the food, but sometimes he has to help me with the groceries because I am out of money. I don’t want this man to leave me, because he is a darling of a man. I just don’t want any more children and, although I told him he can go out and have one, deep in my heart, I don’t know what I would do if that should happen. Please give me your advice.
Let me begin by telling you that you have met a good man and I say that because there are some men who would not take on the responsibility of supporting a woman and two children he has not fathered. He pays the rent and electricity and sometimes he has to help with groceries. That is a responsible man and I hope that the love you have for him is genuine. I am not surprised that he wants to get you pregnant. On the other hand, you made a pledge to yourself that you do not want more than two children and you had two at a young age. You haven’t said whether this man has ever proposed to you. Whenever he talks to you about getting pregnant, you should ask him whether he is prepared to marry you before you allow him to get you pregnant. What I am trying to say is that you would have to compromise with this man and you have to realise that, if you insist that you do not want any more children, you are literally giving him permission to leave you and go to another woman, and that would cause many problems in the relationship. The lovely relationship you have right now may break up if he falls in love with another woman. I know you have the right to say that you don’t want any more children, but all I am trying to say is, perhaps you should compromise and ask yourself, is it fair for you to have a man who is taking care of your two children and yourself and for you to insist to not allow him to get you pregnant? I would love to hear from you again on this matter.