Pastor, I have been reading your column from I was in high school and sometimes I used to say that some of the girls who wrote to you were stupid and their problems would never happen to me.
But I find myself doing some of the same things I used to read about. I am 19 and when I was 17, I got involved with a 20-year-old man. I did not know he had another girlfriend and when I found out, she told my mother that I had given her boyfriend an STI. It was a lie. My mother took me to the doctor and I got tested and I was clean. The girl told everybody that I was a bad girl. My boyfriend acted like he didn’t do anything wrong and said that he did not have any STI. He wanted us to continue our relationship but I refused, so we broke up. A year or so after, I became friendly with a man who was in his 40s, and he told me that he had four children but he loved me and he would send me back to school. He came to the house and met my parents and they liked him.
He was very jealous and told me that anywhere I wanted to go he would take me. He gave me money every week but every time he picked me up or took me somewhere, we had to have sex. He would have sex with me 24/7 and he would tell me that is all he wanted. He always had condoms and if he didn’t, he expected me to have some in my bag.
One day I went to his home. He did not expect me. I knew he was home because I saw the car. I knocked and no one answered, but I kept knocking and he responded. He opened the door and I rushed past him. When I went straight into his bedroom, I saw a girl only dressed in her underwear. I went after her and he grabbed me and told me to behave. He couldn’t tell me why this girl was only in her underwear. He turned on me and told me that I should not have come there without his knowledge. I did not expect this man to cheat on me because he knew that I was a young girl, and I had been faithful to him. I had sex with this man in various positions and he told me that I was good and that he was satisfied with me. So, I couldn’t understand why he had to go to another woman.
Pastor, don’t tell me to leave him because I can’t. I don’t want to move from man to man and he gives me everything I want. I am begging you please for your advice.
You want me to tell you what you want to hear. You have been unfortunate with men. Men have used you and they have lied to you. It is taking you a long time to realise that most men are liars and it is true that generally, men want to get under a woman’s skirt. The aim of most women seems to be to get what men have in their wallets. You have been having sex almost daily with this man. He told you that he was happy with you but evidently, he wanted more of the flesh and you needed his money. Although you caught him with another woman, you wish to continue the relationship so you didn’t have to write me for my opinion. You can stay with him and allow him to use you and one of these days, you may try and hit back at him by having other men. You can tell yourself that if he can cheat, you can cheat too, and then we might hear about both of you in the news. I hope it will not come to that, so talk to this man and try to get an education. You are a young girl. Don’t waste your youth by playing around. He is not serious about you or about life.