Pastor refused to marry us because we are divorcees

Pastor refused to marry us because we are divorcees

Dear Pastor,

I am 47 years old, my wife is 48. Both of us were previously married, but we divorced our respective spouses and remarried. When I met my wife, I was still married to my first wife.

She told me it was against her religion to be divorced, but it was her husband who divorced her and the church told her she could never marry again. When I got my divorce, we started to live together; and when we wanted to get married and spoke to a minister, he found out that we were both divorced. He refused to marry us. My wife asked him what he would suggest that we do and if it would not be better for us to get divorced than to live in sin. He said that we should either live in separate homes and not do anything sexual with each other, or we should be reconciled with our previous spouses. We knew that that was impossible, so we continued to live together for about three more years and then we got married.

We got married by a pastor who did not condemn us. After we got married, we did not go back to the church we used to attend. The pastor tried to get us to come back. He said the church had changed its rules and was now allowing divorced people to get married. I decided to go back, but my wife has refused to go with me. She called the church members and the pastor hypocrites.

The pastor has a daughter who recently divorced and that is why we feel that the church has changed its rules. She is having a relationship with one of the brothers in the church and they plan on getting married. I do not want to condemn the pastor, but before I go back, I am watching to see if his daughter and her man will be allowed to get married in the church and sit and have communion. Wouldn’t that be living in sin? I am looking forward to reading your fair comments.


Dear E.P.,

I don’t think you should condemn the pastor for refusing to officiate at your wedding if the policy of the church was that he should not allow divorcees to be married in the church.

He was only following the rules of the church. When he told you that you and your fiance should try to establish contact with your former spouses and be reconciled with them, he was talking nonsense. Who refuses to officiate at the marriage of divorced people? But that was only changed when people in their own family were divorced. One has to be careful of what one says or how one deals with people who are divorced, because we never know what may happen to them. I suggest that you try and persuade your husband to forgive the pastor and go back to church. Don’t look and judge him by what he may do for his daughter. Show him love; that’s how I see it.


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