This is the first time I am writing to you but I have been reading your column for a long time. I am a 29-year-old woman and I have an issue. When I was about 21 years old, I had a boyfriend. I got pregnant by him but I lost the baby. He did not believe that I lost the baby. He believed that I threw the belly away. That is what some of his folks told him. They all pulled away from me, except one brother. That brother and I could talk about anything. He told me that I should not be bothered by what people said about me. I got involved with another guy but that relationship did not last long. I continued to be very close to this man’s brother until one day he asked me for sex. I was shocked but I had lost my job and I needed help so I had started to take money from him. That’s when he asked me if I expected him to be spending his money and not getting anything. So we started to sleep together. I felt very strange when I was having sex with him at first. But now it does not bother me and he told me he would like for us to get married. But I don’t know how to handle that part, so I that’s why I am writing to you for your opinion and your guidance.
You are a very unfortunate girl. When you got pregnant and lost the pregnancy, some folks accused you of having an abortion, including the man who got you pregnant.
That must have been very difficult for you to deal with. Then when you got involved with another man, you expected that he would give you good moral support, but it did not happen.
In the meantime, the brother of this man who got you pregnant became your best friend and you were able to lean on his shoulder, so to speak. The friendship that you had with him became sexual and both of you are now ‘locked together’. If you were to marry him, some folks are going to condemn you, especially this man’s relatives. But this is a decision that both of you should make and be willing to face the criticism and the condemnation. I am not supporting this type of relationship but I am not condemning you either. I repeat, it is up to the both of you.