My bearer is also my lover

My bearer is also my lover

Dear Pastor,

I am having a relationship with a man who is in his early 30s. I am 41, but I enjoy having this man around. He started out as my bearer. I work from home, so when I produce documents and other things to send to offices, I used to call him to deliver them. I found him to be trustworthy, and by questioning him, I found out that he was living with relatives and did not have a babymother. I asked him who does his washing and he told me he had to wash for himself. I encouraged him to bring his laundry and I would wash them in my washing machine. I eventually fell in love with him. He used to call me ‘Miss’, so I told him to call me by my first name. Whenever he came to take documents, I used to tell him to come back and I would give him dinner. He could not even use the knife and fork. I showed him how to do that. I allowed him to take over the helper’s room, but not to give up where he lives with his relatives. One day I thought he was in the room and I kept calling him and he didn’t answer. I went and peeped and he was in the shower. This slim young man has a ‘heavy load’ before him. I was so surprised. I know you would say that I am out of order, but I don’t think so. I used to take care of a man who was more than twice my age who helped me and left an inheritance for me. I would never find another man like him, but I do feel the need for sex. I am not interested in getting married. Some of my husband’s friends have tried to get me to go into relationships with them, but I am not interested. This young man has asked me if I would help him to buy a car so he could run it as a taxi, but I told him he should continue to ride his bike.

My neighbours know him as my messenger. I helped him to open a bank account and whatever he makes for the week, I see to it that some of it is deposited to his account. The only thing I want from him is sex. I have made up my mind that if he finds a girlfriend I will not stand in his way, but every time I think about that I don’t like the idea. Neither of us has children. This man keeps me happy. Is anything wrong with that?


Dear R.S.,

I think that you should consider marrying this man if you love him so much. You say that you are not interested in getting married, but I doubt that you would be willing to release him and see him marry a woman in his age group. I could be wrong, but perhaps the reason why you say that you’re not interested in getting married is because of fear. You believe that you would have to give up your independence and that a man in your age group may want to push you around and rob you of your money. You seem to be an educated woman. The bearer doesn’t seem to be educated, so you can be in charge of him. But, madam, you have biological needs and this young man is meeting them. Ask yourself this, how long can both of you go on living this type of life? You can release this young man and encourage him to find a woman he may consider to marry and raise a family. If neither of you wants to have children, you should get married, then the neighbours will soon find out that this man is not only your bearer, but also your husband.


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