Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I am currently talking to a guy but it has never been confirmed as a relationship. When we first met, we went out on dates, to the movies and other places.

But since the first time we had sex, everything has stopped. At first I didn’t complain because many of my hours were taken up at work and I was often tired when I got home. It has been over a year now and we are still talking, but now whenever I suggest that we should go out, he makes excuses, and after that I see him out at restaurants and clubs with his friends.

I know they are close because I met them on multiple occasions when I visited him. The only time he has free is if we make plans for us to have sexual intercourse. I had plans to attend an event with my friend but she had to cancel. So I asked him to go. He said he would check to see whether he could go. I reminded him multiple times and he gave the same answer. Yesterday I asked him whether he could go and he said he would not be able to do so. I asked why, as I know he wouldn’t be working that day. He said he doesn’t like to go those places but I don’t believe him because he goes clubbing a lot with his friends.

I wanted to confirm my suspicions that he didn’t want to go out with me, he just wants me to come to his house for a monthly visit. I asked him to go to the movies instead and he said that he is having issues with his place of living and is looking for new apartment to rent. So I just stopped asking. I wrote a message to him saying that I don’t want to do this anymore. But I keep deleting it.

I have recently migrated and I only have one friend. But due to our busy schedule, we don’t see each other often. My brother is always at work. So it is just my dad and myself here at the house, so it is boring.

What do you think I should do?

M

Dear M.,

You should have ended the relationship with this man long ago. He is not interested in you. When you became friends, he wanted one thing and one thing only and that was sex. He got you to do that with him but he doesn’t see both of you being in a serious relationship. So you are wasting your time talking to this man.

Now that you are away, you should write him and tell him how you feel and let him know that you are disappointed in him and you have come to realise that he is a liar and he has only used you for sexual gratification. Tell him that you wish him well.

Pastor