Convinced that ‘Joe’ was in my bed

Convinced that ‘Joe’ was in my bed

Dear Pastor,

I am 37 and I have a story to tell you, because my girlfriend says that I found another woman and that is why I left her. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This girl and I were going out for two years. She has two children for two different men, but I was supporting the children. These men did not treat her well. One of them was a ‘ganja man’, and he used to smoke and drink and abuse her. So I encouraged her to leave him; and because she left him, he decided not to give her any money. The other guy used to do manual labour. Sometimes he worked, sometime he didn’t. He never had money.

So when she and I became friends, I supported her children. My own family members called me a fool, but I decided that I would try with this girl. I work as a security guard. I didn’t come home every night because I had accommodation at the place where I work. Sometimes when I was coming home, I didn’t tell my girlfriend. One night I came home about 10:30 p.m. and she was asleep. When I went into the bedroom, it did not smell fresh. It smelled as if she had had sex shortly before. I asked her who was there with her and she said nobody. She said I was imagining things. I told her whether I was imagining or not, she should change the bed linen. She said there was no need to because she was the only person who was laying down on them. I got angry and cursed a few bad words. If the children were not in their room, we would have had a fight. But I told her I was leaving ,and when she realised that I was going, she got up and pulled off the sheet. I looked around to see if there was any proof that a man was there, but I didn’t see anything.

When she changed the sheets, it took me a long time to lie down on the bed. She said that she knew long ago that I didn’t trust her. She said that the sheets should have been changed, but because she did not expect me to come home, she did not do so. But it was more than that. I know when people have sex on a bed, and I know how this woman smells. But it did not smell as if she alone was on that bed. From that time, my mind has changed about her.

I love the two little children, but because of this woman and them I don’t save much. Right now I don’t know what to do, because my mind has turned against her. I asked the children if anybody was at the house and they said no. Do you think that I should give her another chance, or end the relationship with her? I am trying to build a little house on a piece of land that my father has given to me. I don’t want to make a mistake and take her into the new home if she is keeping another man with me. I need your fatherly advice.


Dear C.L.,

I wish not to take sides in this matter. I do not take sides at all when I respond to letters. But hear me, you went home and your woman did not expect you. The bedroom did not smell fresh, so you accused her of having sex in that room and did not change the sheet or freshen up the place. She told you that she did not have another man in the house and did not go to bed with another man. She resisted changing the sheets, but finally did.

You asked the children if anybody was at the house and they said no, but you are still insisting that this woman had another man there. You are not being fair to her. You don’t have any proof that another man slept with your woman. Therefore, I believe that you should accept what she said and not query the matter further.

If this woman is guilty of cheating, it is likely that she will do it again. So stop the fussing and continue the relationship with her. You don’t have anything solid to go on.


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