Dear Pastor,

I am 41 and I met a man who is 52. He told me that he didn’t have a woman in his life, but I did not believe him. He said the women who he has met were all gold-diggers and he couldn’t bother with them. He said that from what he heard of me, I would be the perfect woman for him.

He has two daughters. I do not have children. These girls were going to high school. When we started out, we did so as friends and then became lovers. We decided that we would live together as a family, so the girls came to live with us. They call me ‘Mommy’, but I stopped them and told them that they can call me ‘Auntie’. So they did.

For the first few months, this man showed me the amount of money he earns and wanted me to take care of everything for him. From his money, I bought what the girls needed. I gave him his pocket money. He agreed to pay half my rent. I also show the girls the importance of saving. He did not have any money saved. I found out that he lied about the women being gold-diggers. He was giving them money. Although I did everything to please this man, he was still going after other women. I also found out that he had fathered three other children. He said those children were not his. When I met two of them, they were the spitting image of this man. I decided to forgive him for lying to me. But the man will not settle down.

Another problem he has is that he likes to gamble. So any money he takes as pocket money is finished by the following day. He is a big gambler, and he does not win anything. His girlfriends are a little older than the two children who are living with us. I am about to put this man out, but the girls are telling me that they don’t want to leave me. I can tell you that the girls are doing very well in school. But it has come to the place now where I resent this man. Sometimes I don’t even want him to touch me. He has been drinking heavily. I don’t want him to hurt himself because he said that if I leave him, he is going to kill himself. Please for your advice, Pastor.

Initial Withheld.

Dear Writer,

Let me begin by encouraging you to help these girls who are with you as much as possible. Even if their father and you are to break up and he goes his way, if these girls are obedient and respectful, keep them. They will love you for it, and they will never forget your kindness. They will remember that you rescued them from destruction.

Generally, when men talk about women being gold-diggers, what they are really saying is that women demand money from them, because these men are mean and they don’t want to give women enough money to run the homes and to take care of the children. So when a woman requires money from them, they call them gold-diggers. You need not worry if this man should call you a gold-digger.

This man should have been happy that you are taking care of his matters. But really and truly, if he wants to live a dog life, you should kick him out of your house. But I beg you, don’t throw out those girl; help them.

Pastor