Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am having some problems. I have a boyfriend who is finding it very hard to understand me. He is always accusing me of doing things that I am not guilty of.

And when I demand that I need to know where he gets these ideas from, he tells me it is because I am guilty why I am reacting this way. He is much older than I am. He is 40.

I asked him to give me space and he doesn’t understand why I need it. I have my friends and we like to go out, just girls with girls. But he wants to know why I always have to go out. He can be very boring at times. He gives me everything I want. Money is not a problem. He drives a nice car and if I need the car to go anywhere, he says that I can take it. But if I should be home at a certain time, he does not stop calling me until I answer. And when I get home, he is on the attack. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave him because he is my third boyfriend and so far, he is the best.

G.M.

Dear G.M.,

Your boyfriend and yourself have communication problems. The matter of age is definitely a factor. He is much older than you. He should have expected to have problems with you when both of you became friends. Some men in his age group are excited and proud to have women who are much younger than they are. Their friends always tell them that they are fortunate and they would love to meet women in that age group as well.

This man will give you the world to keep you, but he is jealous and so you will have to learn to play your role skilfully. You know that you have been true to him. So make sure that you handle yourself well. People will even tell lies on you. Believe me, my dear, you don’t have to do anything wrong for people to tell lies.

Although the relationship is challenging, it can work. So I suggest that you tell this man that you are willing for the both of you to go to counselling at any time because you have nothing to hide. Then, call a family counsellor and set up an appointment. I wish both of you well.

Pastor