Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian young woman and I have never engaged in sex. I am 20 years old, and I think of sex often, especially since I have a boyfriend. He is not a Christian.

He used to have a girlfriend, but they broke up. That is why he and I became friends. We are very close, but I do not fully trust him because he is always asking me for sex. I told him that I am not ready. I told him that whenever I am ready, I will tell him.

I am the only child for my parents. My father said that he had got a woman pregnant, but she never gave him the baby. She gave it to another man who was her boyfriend before my father. My mother never had children, so I am their only child. My father is well known. We live in a nice community. I have met many young men, but they have told me that they are afraid of my father. But my father is nobody to be afraid of. He tells me all the time that if I meet someone who likes me, I should introduce him to them, and I should not allow young men to use me.

The guy I am talking to, I really love him. He calls me at nights and wants to know what I am doing and what I am wearing. I never used to tell him what I was wearing, but I enjoy his company so much that I started to tell him everything. When I tell him what I am wearing, he tells me what to do, such as what I should remove and where I should touch. He has got me interested in phone sex.

I try to invite him to church but he has not yet visited. I do not know what to do, but I don’t want the both of us to break up. I talked to some of my friends and they told me that they engage in phone sex. I don’t know if it is something that I should engage in, since I am a Christian.

E.M.

Dear E.M.,

If you do not want to engage in this type of activity, you should let this man know that you are not prepared to listen to that kind of conversation whenever he calls.

You do not have to touch where he asks you to, because by now you know that he is trying to get you aroused. I know wives who engage in phone sex with their husbands because their husbands are abroad.

This man is not a Christian. He is hoping to get you to the point where you would love him and love phone sex, to the extent that you would want to engage in the activity with him when it is convenient. So cease from the practice. Say no to him whenever he tries to get you to do what he wants you to do.

Pastor